How Much Weight?

 Why Won’t Anyone Tell Me How Much Weight to Lift?

Any good lifting program you find on the internet or in a book will likely list exercises, sets, reps, rest periods, and days per week, but will say nothing about how much weight to use.  That’s because it’s your job to figure out the weight.  And it’s not that hard, but it’s going to take some trial and error.  Plan on your first week of a new exercise or program to be mostly about figuring your weights out.  After that, you can put the pedal to the metal.

Here’s How

Get ready to do your first exercise.  If you’ve never done it before, practice the form with the lightest weight possible.  Once you’ve got the form down, choose a weight that seems reasonable to you.  DON’T LOOK AT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE LIFTING, just be conservative.  

Let’s say you’re going to be lifting the weight for 10 reps--that’s a good number, if you’re not sure.  If you can lift that weight 10 times like it’s nothing: rest, add 10 to 20% to the weight, and try 10 more reps.  If you lifted it pretty well for 10 times, but it wasn’t a total cakewalk: rest, add 5 to 10% to the weight, and try 10 more reps.  If you got to 10 reps just barely, or could only do 8 or 9 reps, the weight you’ve got is probably a good one to use for future workouts.  Write that number down!  If you only made it to 4 or 5 reps: rest, decrease the weight by 10 to 20% or more, and try again.

Keep in mind that form matters here.  Lots of exercises can be done with much more weight if you do them with terrible form.  Don’t go there.

Keep repeating this process until you find your working weight for that exercise.  Then repeat the process for other exercises.  This process might require your entire workout time; if so, that’s fine, you are working your muscles, after all.  If you’ve got plenty of time left over, try a set or two more of each exercise before you go home.

What's a 1RM?

You may hear or read stuff that includes the phrase “1-rep max” or just the abbreviation “1RM”.  Often, it will be something like “Use 80% of your 1RM for this exercise”.  Your 1-rep max is how much you can lift exactly once; the absolute maximum amount your body can move.  I strongly recommend you don’t actually test your 1-rep max on any exercise without a trainer’s assistance, because when you’re approaching the maximum amount of weight your body can handle, accidents and injuries can happen.

Instead, test your 3-rep, 5-rep, or 8-rep max and use a 1RM calculator (they’re all over the internet) to estimate your 1RM.  Different calculators will give slightly different results, but they’ll pretty much all be close enough.  This is the one I use: 1RM Calculator

Sorry I Couldn't Just Tell You the Answers!

When you start lifting, or start a new program, plan on your first workout(s) to be mostly experimenting to find the right weights. It might seem kind of loosy-goosy or inconvenient, but you might also start to enjoy this process. Certainly, there's no pressure to set any world records here!

Go get started!

The Friendly Lifter

Better Than Sit-Ups

Sit-ups suck. Sorry, they just do. I mean, I love to exercise, and even I hate them! Fortunately, I have another option for strengthening your abs, and you can do them at home, so no excuses!

Weighted Crunches

You're going to need a book or pillow or some other object. It's better for now if the object isn't very heavy, but we're going to call it a "weight" anyway. 

Lie flat on your back on the floor. Bend your knees and plant your feet flat on the floor. Hold the weight in both hands. Extend your arms so you're holding the weight nice and high above your chest. Now you're ready to get started.

Pretend you're shoving that weight straight up into the ceiling. As you do, your head and shoulders should come up off the floor. Now relax back down so you're in your starting position again. You've just done one repetition, or "rep". Notice that you're not trying to bring your chin closer to your knees like a sit-up, and you're not curling your upper body like a traditional crunch. In the video you can see the weight travels in a slightly curved path, but focus just on moving it up and down.

I want you to do as many reps in a row as you can. Try for 10 or 12 or 15. It's okay if you can't do 15, that's just a goal. (Did you do a zillion? Good for you! Stay tuned, I have a bigger challenge for you later on.) Once you can't do any more reps, relax for a bit. Set your weight down or hold it on top of your chest, whatever's comfortable. Catch your breath for about 60 seconds. You just did what's called a "set" of reps.

Do three sets, resting about a minute after each one. That's it. Now go for a walk or lift some weights or dance with your kids.

Why Are These Better?

Well, I'm not a personal trainer, I'm just a crazy guy who likes to do this stuff. But I've read a bit about weighted crunches and several different sources recommend them over sit-ups because they're easier on the spine and lower back muscles. And some have said they're better than traditional crunches because it's easier to get the form right and not accidentally screw up your back. I just know my body is much happier after I've done three sets of these.

I'm Ready for Something Harder. What Now?

There are several ways to add to the challenge. Pick any ONE of these each time you're ready for more:

1. Do more reps per set. For example, 3 sets of 20 repetitions.
2. Do more sets. Think you could do 5 sets of 15 reps? Go for it!
3. Hold a heavier weight. Try a sack of rice or a pair of dumbbells or your kid. Fun, right?
4. Exhale as forcefully as you can each time you do a rep. Imagine you're blowing that weight right up to the ceiling. If you watched the video, this is why I sound like a spouting whale. You'd be surprised how hard the exercise gets when you do this!
5. On each rep, hold your body in the "up" position briefly before lowering yourself back down. The longer you pause up there, the bigger the challenge.

Start out easy, but keep challenging yourself a little more each week. Don't try these some day, try them now!

Really, now!

-The Friendly Lifter

Mind Games 2: Trash Talk and More

 Welcome back!  Here are more mind games you can play to trick yourself into eating healthier!

Also, don't miss

Mind Games 1 (more on diet)

Mind Games 3 (exercising) 

Mind Games 4 (motivation)

Accentuate the Negative

Every time you eat something you shouldn’t and you have any kind of negative feeling, cling to that memory and recall it any time you’re confronted with that food in the future.  Ate a bunch of candy and didn’t really enjoy it?  Remember that.  Ate a large order of french fries and they sat in your stomach like lead?  Remember that!  Ate a muffin instead of a healthier breakfast and you were already hungry by 9:30 a.m.?  REMEMBER THAT!

Stop repeating history.  And whenever possible, have a healthier alternative food nearby that you can turn to when you have to fight temptation.  I keep a stack of protein bars (don't buy ones with lots of sugar) or a jar of peanut butter in my desk drawer at work.  (Yes, peanut butter!  A spoonful of straight up peanut butter can be very satisfying.  It even helps my sweet tooth, believe it or not.)  Protein bars and peanut butter can also make you fat if you eat them like a maniac, but they make good alternatives if eaten in reasonable portions.

Trash Talk

This is going to sound crazy.  But it totally works for me and I’ve heard from other people who also said it worked for them.  Trash-talk the junk food.  Not like, literally say rude things out loud, but inside your head, pretend that the junk food wants you to eat it.  Tell it you don’t need it.  Laugh in its face.  Call it stupid names.  Let your inner diva loose.  Walk right by and flip it off.  Treat it like you wish you could treat your boss or your ex.  Exercise all the cruelty in your soul.

For example: “Psssh, donut?  No, I don’t think so.  The last time I ate a donut I was sleepy for the rest of the day, and I didn’t even LIKE it that much.  Damn thing was stale!  You can just stay in that box and beg for someone else to eat you, because there’s no way I’m touching you.  Yeah, that’s right, cry, stupid donut, because you’re pathetic.”

You might be surprised just how emotionally satisfying this can be.  Plus, by the time you’ve gotten through your sassy little speech, you’ve hopefully stalled through the moment of danger and you can think more rationally about why you don’t need that food.

Don’t Trash Talk Yourself, Though

Well...some people actually tell me this works for them, hating themselves every time they fall off the wagon and calling themselves “Fatty” every time they look in the mirror.  But I think most people are more likely to give up altogether once they start with the negative self-talk.  It’s just too easy to go from “I’m bad because I failed” to “I’m bad, so why bother?”.  Don’t go there.

Don’t wallow in guilt if you cheat and eat something you know you shouldn’t, but do resolve to get back on the horse.  Sugar tends to be addictive, so your body will crave it after you’ve had some.  Be prepared for that: keep the healthy alternatives in easy reach and redouble your efforts to take the emotional feelings out of your food choices.  If you can, throw away the tempting foods while you’re still determined.

See Yourself as a Healthy Eater

Don’t try to eat healthy.  Be a Healthy Eater.   Be the kind of person who is okay with a banana for dessert.  Be the kind of person who preps their lunches in advance, so you don’t have to worry about what you’re eating.  Be the kind of person who makes special requests at the restaurant.  You might think it’s impossible, but you’re trying to change yourself physically, and that’s going to take at least a little bit of mental change too.

Think you’ve been an unhealthy eater for too long to change how you see yourself?  Screw that, you don’t have to be chained to who you used to be.

Think other people will scoff at your turnaround?  Yep, probably.  Screw them, they don’t own you.  If they sneer, remember that’s usually the sign of a person who knows they should be doing better themselves, and their guilt causes them to take pot shots.

Think last night’s binge means you lose your Healthy Eater credential?  Screw that!  Don’t wallow, don’t send yourself hate mail, just resolve to settle for a small treat next time, and go grill some chicken breasts.

But...the Food at the Office...

Yes, I know it's free.  If that fact hypnotizes you into picking up something you shouldn't eat, wake up before it goes in your mouth, sneak over to the trash can, and throw it away.  Just because it's free doesn't mean you have to eat it.

Surprise Yourself

You might be surprised that you can make this work, but I won’t be.  I know you can do this nutrition thing.  It might take work, but you’re worth the effort.  Now go out there and talk yourself into being a Healthy Eater!

Best wishes,
The Friendly Lifter


P.S. - If you have a Costco store in your area, I'd like to recommend their Kirkland (store brand) protein bars.  They are pretty yummy and have a much better protein-to-sugar ratio than any other bar I've found.  Costco also has great deals on protein powder--I swear, my savings on protein powder alone pay for my annual membership.

Mind Games 1: Food, Glorious Food

No, Seriously, It Worked for Me!

Okay, I know some percentage of you all are going to read a few sentences here and instantly reject it as utter, ridiculous nonsense.  Others will say, “That’s all very well, but it would never work for me.”  And I’ve come to terms with that, but my response is: Just try it.  Literally no one else has to know what you’re doing, so there’s no risk if it doesn’t work.

What I’m talking about is, playing mind games with yourself.  When I started to eat more healthily and visit the gym on a daily basis, one thing that helped immensely was engaging in the many varieties of mental gymnastics you will see below and in the next few posts.  Yes, of course I knew I was doing it, as I was doing it.  I just shoved that particular awareness aside and did it anyway.  And maybe these tricks worked because I am more imaginative (or unstable!) than other people.  But really, I’d love for you to take at least one of these ideas and adapt it for your own purposes.  There’s literally no risk, so just try it!

Stall Through the Moment of Danger

Often, when I want a food I shouldn’t eat, it’s because I just saw that food and had an instantaneous, impulsive reaction to reach out, pick it up, and gobble it down.  If you can resist temptation for just a little bit of time, you will likely reach a moment when you can think more rationally about what you’re doing.  Stall for time.

Before you touch the food, build in your mind a quick sketch of what is in it.  Is there likely to be a lot of sugar?  Fat?  Sodium?  Would it have more protein, or more carbs?  How much do you want to bet that it has scary-sounding preservatives in it?  Now (if they're available) look at the Nutrition Facts and see if your guesses were correct.  Look at the ingredients list.  Do you recognize ANYTHING in there?  Think about it as unemotionally as possible, because it’s emotions that are making you want that food.

If you’re still tempted, tell yourself that MAYBE you can have SOME of the food, but you have to wait 60 seconds.  Literally count the seconds in your head.  Or tell yourself you can have just a couple bites, but only after you do some other task.  Hopefully, you can stall long enough that you are making a more rational choice about whether to eat the food or not, and if so, how much.  Remember, eating only a couple bites of something bad instead of the whole thing is a better choice, though no bites at all is even better.

Beware of Tag-Alongs

I’m not talking about the peanut butter Girl Scout cookies (though you should beware of those too).  I’m talking about side dishes that you don’t need or want.  I may be about to rock your world here, but...burgers don’t actually HAVE to have fries on the side.  Sandwiches can be consumed without chips.  Ribs can be enjoyed without potato salad.  I discovered something about myself when I had this epiphany: I kinda don’t like french fries.  It had been so deeply ingrained in my mind that you have to have fries with your burger that I spent much of my life eating fries I didn’t even enjoy.

Do you absolutely have to have chips with your lunch, or are you eating them because you always have chips with your lunch?  Do you really want the beans at your company barbecue, or are you putting them on your plate because that’s what you do at a barbecue?  If you feel like you have to take them so you don't offend your boss who is irrationally proud of his baked bean recipe, put a little on your plate, say hi to the boss so he sees the beans, then take great pride that you're secretly going to throw them away.

Think really hard about the side dishes you eat, and don’t feel obligated to eat something you only kinda want.

Remove the Moments of Weakness

The human brain gets much more emotional and impulsive when it’s hungry.  There are two ways you can try to combat this unfortunate fact of psychology: don’t get hungry*, and make choices in advance.

Eat frequent meals.  If you have a good breakfast and a healthy snack at mid-morning and another in the afternoon, you will be less likely to desperately crave junk food for lunch and dinner.  Yes, they’re calories, but they’re good calories and they’re worth consuming.  Don’t let yourself get to the point where you’re staring into the fridge, ready to shove any old thing that doesn’t move into your mouth.  Not that I’VE ever done that, of course.

If you often eat lunch at a restaurant, find a healthy but enjoyable meal that can be your “usual”.  Then, when it’s time to order, always order that meal.  It will become habit, and soon you will be ordering that meal before you’ve even had a chance to think whether you want the grilled bacon-cheese-and-donut sandwich.  The employees may even start to remember your order, which is even better.

If you eat a lunch from home or eat at home every day, prep your meals on Sunday night and stack them in the fridge, ready to grab and go.  I grill chicken breasts and roast vegetables, then portion them into five reusable containers.  This meal is delicious warm or cold.

*There is a case to be made for fasting as a weight loss tool.  I would especially encourage you to look into "intermittent fasting" which involves not eating for a specific period of time, which is not the same thing as starving yourself.  It's not something I've ever tried, but I've read lots of evidence in its favor.

Mental Changes Lead to Physical Changes

You can change how you think about food, but you have to let it happen, and it takes effort.  You'll have to allow that change to happen, though.  Don't just decide you can't do it!  I'll have some more mind games for you to try in my next post, so stay tuned!

Best wishes,
The Friendly Lifter 

Also don't miss...

Mind Games 3 (exercise) 

Mind Games 4 (motivation) 

Body by Chemo

I Promise This One's About Fitness

If you read my last post, you know I spent the last 8 months on heavy duty chemo. If you've read my earlier posts, you know that I've been on a long journey that started at 5 foot, 9 inches and 300 pounds. When I put up this blog last year (that's October of 2019) I had gotten down to 198 pounds and less than 20% body fat.

It's Not a Dad Bod, It's a Hospital Bod

The whole fitness thing hasn't been fantastic since my cancer diagnosis. Multiple doses of major steroids (no, not THAT kind of steroids) and 14 rounds of chemo (which translates to no gym) helped me gain back about 35 pounds of fat. But there were a couple other twists in the road, too.

While I was in the hospital getting my first round of chemo, a mysterious virus in my system took advantage of my suddenly impaired immune system to explode all over my lungs. I had fallen asleep, but woke up to find four nurses holding me down as I thrashed around with a high fever and what they called "rigor". It took almost a month in the hospital to recover from that, during which I also picked up a couple of blood clots in my legs because, you know, I'm a bargain hunter. Why go to the hospital and only have one thing wrong with you?

Anyway, I spent most of my time lying perfectly still, and got thoroughly de-conditioned. In about four months I had gone from being able to lift a 515-pound barbell off the floor to not even being able to sit up in bed. I went home with a wheelchair, a walker, and four tanks of oxygen. I'm thrilled to say my breathing recovered remarkably quickly, as did my ability to walk. Which was good, because I still had at least a dozen rounds of chemo to go.

Here's Where We Talk Fitness

I really believe the fact that I had a strong body before this all started made a huge difference in my ability to recover. I also believe that my robust health before the cancer hit is going to make a big difference in my odds of achieving and staying in remission. There are never any guarantees, but it ain't gonna hurt my chances.

Today's Fitness Point #1: If someone you know is still waiting for the perfect moment to get started on a journey to fitness, they need to start now. Really, now. I've got a bunch of posts here on the blog that suggest ideas for making the journey less difficult--maybe even pleasant! Go! Go! Go!

After reading all the crap that's been going on with my health, especially regaining fat and losing strength, you might think I would be discouraged to the point of giving up. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have predicted that I would give up. Actually, the opposite has happened.

I deeply resented that feeling of helplessness when I couldn't even sit up without help. Something of value had been taken away, and I was pissed. So every time I checked back in to the hospital for more chemo, I made a point of going for a walk once or twice each day. I got my butt out of bed, grabbed that I.V. pole, and steered it up and down the hallway between my room and the elevator. 10 laps every time. And the staff, nurses, and doctors in the unit started to recognize me and often chatted with me.

Also, as I started to get used to the rhythm of my chemo cycles and my depression meds started to help me be more myself, I began to get the urge to exercise. I had missed that feeling of empowerment that comes with a good workout. I asked for some resistance bands for Father's Day and tried some basic exercises. I got tired way too quickly, but it felt good anyway. I've gradually worked my way up to something that looks like a real workout. And I value those workouts a million times more now that I've fought to get them back.

Today's Fitness Point #2: Setbacks happen. But whether you believe it or not, you—yes, you—have the patience and grit to turn a setback into a comeback. It will absolutely take longer than you want it to, but so long as you're willing to start with baby steps, you will get there. So take those baby steps as soon as you possibly can.

Whether you're just starting or starting over, you can do it! YES, YOU!!! Get started!

Thanks for reading,

The Friendly Lifter

My 2020 Is More 2020 Than Your 2020

Whew, what a year 2020 has been, huh? COVID, politics, social distancing, half of Australia burning down, face masks, shortages, aaaauuugh! Still, the competitive side of me wants to say that I've probably had a worse year than you. I got cancer. It's a relapse of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.

So this post is a bit of a side trip from my usual fitness topics. Feel free to skip this one; you won't hurt my feelings, I promise. But if you know someone who's going through a medical crisis, especially cancer, I'm hoping this post will help give them a little boost. Please share.

Crappy Holidays

Less than a week before Thanksgiving last year, I went to my doctor about bad headaches I'd been having. I thought they were migraines, but she advised me to get a CT scan. I didn't want to, but my wife practically dragged my by the ear to the emergency room. Thank God she did, because they found a mass that turned out to be a relapse of the lymphoma I'd had 7 years before. Only this time, instead of being in my armpits and groin, the cancer had decided to grow in my brain. It's called Lymphoma of the Central Nervous System, or CNS Lymphoma.

LESSON #1: If your loved one thinks you need medical attention, listen to them. It might be nothing, or they might save your life.

A couple weeks later my oncologist gave me the diagnosis, and a colossal bombshell. He assured me that there were no treatments for this kind of cancer in the brain, because the human body is really good at keeping chemicals like chemotherapy out of the brain. Any treatments I got would have brutal side effects and would only give me a couple extra months of life. I had maybe 6 months, and those would be months of misery. Without saying so directly, his message was crystal clear: I might as well just go straight to hospice.

My life was suddenly filled with last-times and never-agains. I'd never get to lift weights again. This might be the last time I'd ever eat pizza. I'd never see that friend again. I'd never get to retire to Washington, like my wife and I had dreamed. My last Christmas...but why bother with Christmas gifts? They would just be more crap my wife would have to deal with when I was dead.

My wife and in-laws and parents urged me to get a second opinion. With money from our savings plus money scrounged up from loved ones, I paid out-of-pocket to see an oncologist at a well-known cancer hospital. He assured me that yes, of course there were treatments that could get through to the brain. He laid out the typical course of treatment for someone with my condition. The odds weren't great. But they weren't zero. Hospice was not necessary at this time.

I didn't end up getting treated by that particular doctor because he wasn't in my insurance network, but the hope he gave me was well worth the expense. 

LESSON #2: Always get a second opinion. Always.

The Bad and the Not-So-Bad

That January I started on a total of 14 rounds of chemotherapy. Because they were putting me on heavy-duty chemo, I had to check in to the hospital for four or five days for each treatment, and I'd get to spend a little more than a week at home before checking back in again. I'm just going to give you a quick summary of those months in and out of the hospital. Nausea? Almost none. Fatigue? Lots, but each day home from the hospital was usually better. Other physical symptoms? Pretty much none. Depression? Lots at first, but medication helped a lot, and I am incredibly fortunate that I have lots of friends and family in my corner.

Every person is different, and their body doesn't respond to chemo exactly the same way as anyone else's. Also, year by year, doctors are getting better at managing side effects like pain and nausea. I can't promise you a rose garden, but take heart that you might get lucky.

LESSON #3: If you're about to start chemo, don't panic. Your experience isn't going to be fun, but it might not be as bad as you've heard, especially if you've heard stories from years ago.

Truthfully, the hardest part of chemo for me was the red tape. Every single appointment, every single treatment, every single hospital visit had to be approved through this complex, secretive, cryptic process of insurance authorization that had to be passed, like, 6 times from one office to another. Every person at every step was genuinely a good person who really wanted to help, but one forgetful moment, one misplaced piece of paper, one typo, would bring everything to a screeching halt.

The doctors, nurses, and hospital staff are true superheroes as far as I'm concerned, but there's one more person who deserves some space on that pedestal: my insurance case manager. She is a miracle worker, and many times my savior. My oncologist and several other people urged me to get one, which I did by requesting that my primary care physician refer me for one. She has been a miracle. She keeps her eye on things, and if she hasn't heard from the appropriate person in the appropriate amount of time, she knows who to call and what to say. I still have to be constantly on the alert, but as long as I keep in frequent contact with her, she makes sure $#!? gets done.

LESSON #4: In a medical crisis, you need advocates. Recruit family and friends, but also request a case manager or patient advocate or whatever your insurance company calls them.

Where Things Stand Now

My last MRI scan was negative. They can't find the tumor anymore. Hallelujah! That was incredibly good news, because there are no guarantees with cancer treatment. The thing is, my cancer is well known for hiding itself in the bone marrow, then jumping out later to start the whole tumor thing all over again. To improve my chances of the cancer not coming back, I will need to get a stem cell transplant (a.k.a. bone marrow transplant).

I just met with my transplant doctor. There's no surgery, just some mega chemo and a long recovery process while I re-grow my immune system. The doctor told me I'm likely to have more side effects and the recovery process is likely to be months. But she also told me the chances of long-term remission for someone in my specific situation are better than even. Those odds are better than I'd originally been told. I'll take it.

LESSON #5: Think carefully about asking your doctor or the internet to tell you the odds for survival. Those statistics probably include people who were already in very poor health and people older than you, even if you're pretty...uh... mature. You are not the statistics, you are you.

Thanks for Reading

Next post, it's back to fitness stuff. But I'll write again later about what it's like to get a bone marrow/stem cell transplant, in case anyone in your life is facing one.

Go hug someone.

The Friendly Lifter